coming home
to my body.

When I went to the doctor in 2023 because I felt constantly tired, depressed, and was gaining weight for no reason, he tried to prescribe me antidepressants. I was completely rattled, because I truly thought something was wrong with me.

But I knew there had to be another way. So I decided to dive deep and understand what was really going on.

As we move through life, we go through cycles, and our body changes and has different needs (especially as women).

Going through a spiritual awakening can create a deep reset in your body, asking you to look at your consumption, your behaviors, and your routines.

Growing up, I always felt estranged from my body. I was uncomfortable in it, and it didn't feel like mine.

Even as a little girl, I wanted to lose weight and felt unhappy with my appearance.

It's only when I found true alignment — by loving myself deeply, by giving to all the parts of me I once felt anger or rejection toward — that I slowly started to make peace with my body.

In 2023, when I started gaining weight for no reason, it made me feel very depressed. I thought I was doing everything "right": eating light, skipping breakfast, having salads or soups for lunch and dinner, and working out intensely every day.

I was constantly thinking about food and exercise. I had created a rigid routine of rules and became obsessed with losing weight. I was ready to try anything — watching every video promising quick weight loss.

Looking back, I think I was trying to escape my body. It felt uncomfortable to love all parts of myself, because those parts reflected deeper parts within me.

Loving my body meant fully accepting the girl I am — different, spiritual, with big dreams.

I felt misunderstood. I kept my spirituality to myself, almost like a secret, because I felt ashamed to share it.

Since I was a little girl, I used food to fill something inside me — a sadness, an emptiness. I often felt like I wasn't fully whole.

At night, I would snack before bed to feel "complete." In many ways, I was overeating.

I always knew, but never really spoke about it — until 2023, when I decided to truly look at it.

I went on a 5-day fasting retreat, where I completely fasted.

It was powerful, because I realized I wasn't just fasting from food — I was meeting the part of me that was seeking love, soothing, and wholeness.

I would lie in bed and tell myself:

"I am giving you the love, the reassurance, the soothing you need. I see you. I hear you."

I learned to "mother" that part of myself — the part that simply needed love.

Deep down, I think I was afraid of gaining weight if I ate protein and carbs. So I avoided many nourishing foods and stuck to very light meals — mostly salads with vegetables and chicken.

I had trained myself not to feel hungry in the morning.

But my body was actually craving more — especially because I was working out so much. Instead of burning, my body was going into stress mode.

At night, I was mostly eating soups and vegetables, which wasn't enough.

I took a dosha test (from Indian medicine) and learned about body types and how I should be eating warm meals — I had been doing the opposite.

I replaced coffee with matcha, started eating more protein in the morning, drank more water with electrolytes, and prioritized protein at every meal — more than I thought I needed.

I learned to make peace with protein. Even if I didn't crave it, I began to see it as medicine for my body.

I started learning how to work out in alignment with my cycle.

At first, it wasn't easy — I was used to feeling "good" through intense sweating. But it began to make sense.

The idea is to train more intensely in the two weeks after your period, then gradually slow down, and during your period focus on gentle movement like walking or stretching.

When I started following this, I felt much more at ease in my body.

Looking back, I think intense workouts were another way of escaping my body — avoiding fully being with it.

There is something powerful (and confronting) about standing in front of the mirror and saying:

"I love you."

Touching your body, offering it care, attention, presence.

On a spiritual path, we often focus on the inner child through meditation. But there is also the body — a relationship we need to heal and come back into.

This is more embodied. More physical.

And when you come back into your body, you're able to integrate your intuition, your downloads, your inner knowing — and actually take aligned action in your life.

I'm so glad I didn't follow the doctor's advice and take antidepressants.

I'm so glad I chose the longer, harder path — learning to slow down, explore Indian medicine, understand my femininity and my cycle, and come back to the basics: hydration, sleep, and connection to my body.

I wish I had a community to share this journey with.

That's what I'm offering now.